Shackleton, Blood On My Hands
Journalists denying climate change science and the following inevitabilities, Rupert Murdoch's media enterprise bribing police and conducting illegal phone tapping and hacking; Australians continue to piss back and forth on the topic of asylum seekers. I met up with a friend who's been travelling overseas for the first time in eight months today and I remember confessing to not reading the newspaper anymore - all of it feels vaguely apocalyptic. Terrifying things happen, wrongs continue to be perpetuated, the world smiles, and carries on. So it goes.
As a younger girl I was always fascinated by the idea that a society so complex and tangible as ours could one day come to an end; these days, the concept seems far too real to think about.
I find myself less and less partial to opening up to others, these days. It's interesting to chart the progression of my personality over the past two years - from a bright-eyed, optimistic and outgoing eighteen year old to the quietly-spoken, moody, perpetually-despondent student I am now. These are the same old complaints, these are the same tired platitudes - what's the fucking point?
Sorry. This isn't quite self-pity, I guess. This year feels like a turning point of sorts. I am standing on the edge of the abyss and it is gazing back at me. (Sorry, Nietzsche.) These days I am almost convinced I know exactly what I want from this life, and how to go about achieving it. The problem is. Well.
I have been here.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish I had a straight out-and-out solution to allay your melancholy.
When I was around your age, I was largely in the same position. I was awash in a sea of the world's troubles; the ridiculousness, the inanity, the hypocrisy and the sheer irrationality. It was crushing me to the point where I was simply nothing; an inert, directionless meatsack lamenting the world.
You're far beyond where I was then, I guess. You have direction, goals. You know what you want. I didn't.
This would normally be the point where someone would post something about finding God, and you would delete this comment with an exasperated sigh and slip deeper into despondency. But fuck it, I am talking about rationality, right? No god-spiel for you. I never liked the fucker anyway.
I guess what I did, over time, was to look for things in the world to love. Art, music, stories. Mainly people. Surrounding myself with carefully selected people who I can love and respect is probably the best thing I have ever done.
Life shouldn't always be lived on a global perspective. The things you surrond yourself with to create your own space and your own life - your own world, really - are equally as important as South Sudanese independence or Mauritanian slavery.
That probably sounds incredibly selfish, inhuman and probably even a bit materialistic. I'm definitely not saying that you should turn your back on the world's plights. Murdoch is a morally corrupt prick, journalists who reflect the zeitgeist rather than report the facts should be hung and quartered, the lack of objectivity in the world tears up my soul. I guess I'm just illustrating what I did, and that was finding a better balance. Find the beautiful things and use them as inspiration to fight your battles.
And these things will disappear, of course. Friends will turn their backs on you or you'll grow apart, your favourite band will break up, your favourite producer will produce a Brostep album. But there are always new people and new things out there for you to take into your heart. I think you're amazing, but I don't by any means expect you to be in my world for a very long time. Life is just a linear collosion of ephemeral things. It's a fact that is both beautiful and terrifying.
There is a fucking point. You just have to find or create it.
Some dullards do this by bringing another baby into this world, or turning to a God, while other, more stable folk commit themselves to their job or join Medicens Sans Frontieres. Whether stupid or noble, they are only small-scope in the greater scheme of things. I did it this way, and so far it's working for me. You may find a different path.
Bottom line, there is hope. Despite all the cunts, life can still be pretty damn good. And at least if the world does end, you will have had a good time. Having goals in life means you're already lightyears ahead of the general population in this, anyway. More importantly, it puts you in a better position to fight global injustices.
I hope this has been some sort of insight, I guess. Even with the privacy of anonymity, I feel ridiculous for having posted it. It feels like a disjoined ramble of inane babblings. Let me know if you manage to get anything positive out of it.
You even made a joke about brostep! Anonymous commenter, your thoughts are appreciated and I wish to give you a cupcake in thanks for your lovely, considered comment.
ReplyDeleteMaybe next time you see me.
ReplyDeleteIt was nowhere near as cohesive as I would have liked, and I'm not entirely sure you needed any of this, but even if all I gave you was a smile at the expense of brostep, I think I can call this unsolicited rant a win.
I want a cupcake too pretty please ;) i'll be nice
ReplyDelete