your silence is like a kiss I feel you

Underworld, Best Mamgu Ever

A break in the clouds, a brief respite from the chill of winter. Whispers, laughter and endless city streets that murmur, "come and play!"

in the cold light of day.

Kele, Unholy Thoughts

i met the devil last night
at an after show
and then he led me in a cab

no more cokeheads, no more cocaine
you're getting sloppy
and someone has, someone has to say

here is bad, here is bad, here is bad, here is bad

i hear their thoughts now before they speak
i feel their eyes now go through my soul accusing me
we're only partners between the day
these thoughts they multiply

and one by one become unholy

I needed to believe.

All I want from life is to be warm, safe and at peace with my actions given my fortuitous position in this world. Sometimes I feel terribly, terribly lonely in believing that being lucky enough to be well-educated, secure and safe gives rise to some significant moral duties as one girl with an extraordinary amount of autonomy, one girl lucky enough to truly express a right to self-determination.

I hate it when people laugh at me for studying what I do - it's this stupid sense of duty that propels me through academia.

Kindness. Understanding. Passion. Selflessness. I just want to be able to look at my hollowed-out, pale face in the mirror and feel like, for once, I've done all that I can. I'm trying so hard - please cut me some slack.

it is the language of the beasts

Shackleton, Blood On My Hands

Journalists denying climate change science and the following inevitabilities, Rupert Murdoch's media enterprise bribing police and conducting illegal phone tapping and hacking; Australians continue to piss back and forth on the topic of asylum seekers. I met up with a friend who's been travelling overseas for the first time in eight months today and I remember confessing to not reading the newspaper anymore - all of it feels vaguely apocalyptic. Terrifying things happen, wrongs continue to be perpetuated, the world smiles, and carries on. So it goes.

As a younger girl I was always fascinated by the idea that a society so complex and tangible as ours could one day come to an end; these days, the concept seems far too real to think about.

I find myself less and less partial to opening up to others, these days. It's interesting to chart the progression of my personality over the past two years - from a bright-eyed, optimistic and outgoing eighteen year old to the quietly-spoken, moody, perpetually-despondent student I am now. These are the same old complaints, these are the same tired platitudes - what's the fucking point?

Sorry. This isn't quite self-pity, I guess. This year feels like a turning point of sorts. I am standing on the edge of the abyss and it is gazing back at me. (Sorry, Nietzsche.) These days I am almost convinced I know exactly what I want from this life, and how to go about achieving it. The problem is. Well.

baby baby baby

Mount Kimbie, Maybes

From an Abbey Road debut recorded mere weeks ago. Watch it: absolutely haunting.

I've been bruising really easily of late. Literally and figuratively. Current count is at four: the back of my calf, thigh, on my hip and shoulder. I don't think I have anything to worry about . My head hurts. Panic is beginning to set in.

Anyway.


--

1. Make a list of 5 things that you can see without getting up.
A set of drawers, Logitech PC speakers, various music-related posters, a bookshelf crowded with DVDs, CDs, novels, textbooks and a MIDI controller, and a clothes rack.

2. What was the last album you listened to in full?
Crooks and Lovers by Mount Kimbie.

3. What are you wearing now?
Levis 501 cutoffs I purchased for the reference in Dirty Epic, a Tiffany's necklace from my father, a borrowed black t-shirt, Bonds sloppy joe, tights.

4. What's your dream occupation?
My life would be a lot easier if I could answer that.

5. What do you hear right now?
Inspiration.

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
A boy I know.

7. Place yourself into one of your favorite shows. What would be your job/role on the show?
Intelligence analyst in Section D, MI5.

8. What did you do today?
Lazy day: no work or uni. Breakfast in Prahran, the train home, a session in Ableton, hanging out with James and listening to the Killers.

9. Dog person or cat person?
Both, please?

10. What's something you're looking forward to?
Semester break. James Zabiela at Brown Alley (media pass, excellent). The next time I see your face. Visiting Ikea and record stores in a few paycheques' time.

11. What was the last thing that you bought?
10 x two-hour Metcard.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
New York, Tokyo, London.

13. Where do you see yourself in five minutes?
Still in bed.

14. Last book you've read?
The Consolations of Philosophy, Alain de Botton.

15. Next movie you plan to see?
Unsure.

16. What's your favorite color?
Blues and dark greys.

17. Favorite word?
Fuck.

18. What is one thing about you most people don't know?
My biggest regret in life is giving up piano at the age of ten.

19. Name a hobby you enjoy.
Music production.

20. Did you replace many questions?
I wasn't aware I was able to.

hurting

Martyn, Far Away

Almost close enough.

"in the beginning, there was the word."

Day Three: a song to dance to.

The Chemical Brothers, Swoon

The best things in life, for me, are: the thump of a kick drum. The way my body feels when I'm shaking my arse with my hands in the air, shouting out lyrics into a midnight-coloured sky, dizzy and laughing. The way you smile, the sound of your voice.

"Just remember to fall in love: there's nothing else."

going down

Day Two: a song that reminds you of somewhere.

Scuba, Latch

I grew up in Preston, a small suburb located approximately fifteen minutes to the north of the Melbourne central business district for the first eighteen years of my life. Things happened: my parents divorced, my grandmother passed away, the house I spent my entire childhood in was sold and my parents both moved out to their own little apartments, far far away. It's been two years and I still miss Preston with a burning fever. Preston is by no means a beautiful or affluent suburb - filled with abandoned lots, barbed-wire and huge, intimidating factories and run-down shopping strips as opposed to well-kept lawns and beautiful houses.

And that is why I miss it so much. All the hours spent wandering around the suburbs late at night, unable to sleep with an iPod to keep me company taught me to appreciate the beauty inherent in urban environments. It's an interesting juxtaposition: even in the discarded cans of Coke crushed into gutters and the blur of headlights along roads amongst stretches of concrete and steel are signs of movement and life. A bird taking flight from a razor-wire fence, the flood of lights switching on as a security system activates itself. It's a study in constrasts that's always fascinated and inspired me.

Miss you, 3072.

innerspace

Day One: a song for sadness.

Goldfrapp, Gone to Earth

lights in my eyes

Panhead#002 from Zachary Saitoti on Vimeo.

In new music we trust.

concrete heart.

Cyantific, 'Empty Streets'

What are you looking for?

chemical brothers live at rod laver arena, 09/03/11

The Chemical Brothers, 'Hey Boy, Hey Girl'

Before headlining Future Music Festival, still riding the highs from the release of their 2010 big-beat/psychedelic effort ‘Further’, the Chemical Brothers were kind enough to grace Melbourne with a full-length sideshow at the Rod Laver Arena on the ninth of March, supported by Art vs Science, James Holroyd and Zane Lowe of BBC Radio One. I got there about an hour after doors opened and caught the tail-end of Art vs Science, who sounded pretty tight and had the crowd going.

Don’t even get me started on James Holroyd: a total dickhead dropping appallingly bad commerical electro and top-forty rubbish with inane MCing over the top. Didn’t have a working subwoofer, either. Awful, awful. Was vaguely concerned by the fact that the crowd seemed to genuinely be getting into it – Future Entertainment gigs always seem to pull the most obnoxious kind of crowds, but in any case… Zane Lowe played for about forty-five minutes, from memory – musically speaking, a complete breath of fresh air. Rolling basslines; heavy, relentless cuts of deep house and minimal. Moody, evolving and always surprising, but not overwhelmingly so: an excellent build-up for the main act of the night.

The Chemical Brothers started around nine-fifteen and literally did not stop their aural assault for a full two hours. Aural assault of says it all about their set, really: a nonstop, absolute riot with a crowd of bodies that couldn’t stop dancing madly for the whole set. They’re the kind of electronic act that really know how to get a crowd off. One of the main weaknesses of most dance music acts who play live is that their performances can seem really stale and hackneyed – they don’t seem like they’re putting in any effort, it’s just pushing start and stop in front of a laptop or two. Not these guys, though, and I think that’s one of the main drawcards of the Chemical Brothers that puts them up there with the best in live dance music – their ability to respond to the feel of a crowd and work off them was incredible, a total joy to be a part of.

Two straight hours of watching them mix it up, playing both the old and the new with seamless transitions between tracks – everything from Exit Planet Dust to their latest album got love. ‘Block Rockin’ Beats’, ‘Leave Home’ and ‘Chemical Beats’ were highlights that had the old-school ravers rocking out hard, and hearing material fresh from Further was similarly incredible – ‘Horse Power’ had Rod Laver Arena completely letting loose to its roaring synthesisers and immense beats; the heady, unbridled joy of ‘Swoon’ had an ecstatic audience chanting “just remember to fall in love – there’s nothing else” as one, eyes closed and hands in the air.

‘Hey Boy Hey Girl’, ‘Star Guitar’, ‘Galvanise’, ‘Do It Again’ – hit after hit complemented perfectly by the stage setup they’ve developed for their Further tour, featuring video projections and clips from their music videos responding in time with the music, as well as an insane light show. Watching the lights slowly brighten as they made their presence on stage known, surrounded by a cage of lights – whoa.

A complete pleasure and an inspiration to watch – the brothers gonna work it out, indeed.

(Originally posted at Radio Monash.)

choose life on radio monash: episode #1

Choose Life On Radio Monash, Episode #1 by Autoimmunity on Mixcloud

Join the biggest party happening on Radio Monash this semester - Bill Murphy and Miki McLay are taking over the airwaves to bring you Choose Life, a fun and filthy mix of gratuitous shit-talkin' and the freshest in new music.

Your hosts are Bill, a second-year Science student at Clayton, whose comprehensive knowledge of indie music is rivalled only by his talent for finding a cheeky yet relevant 4chan references for almost every situation; and Miki, loudmouthed, hard-partying quintessential Arts-student cliche and Radio Monash's resident expert on all things in electronic music.

Tune in at 9AM on Wednesdays weekly for an hour-long, no-holds-barred aural assault consisting of the best in everything from techno to trip-hop, indie rock to IDM, dubstep to riot-pop and more. Excited? We sure as hell are, too.

Missed a show? Never fear: we'll be podcasting episodes here on The Whisper-Stream for listening at your leisure, with tracklistings included.

Choose your future: Choose Life on Radio Monash.

unanswered questions

Kito, 'What If'

Grey days. Where does it all end?

here i am, and there you are

UNKLE, 'Unreal'

A dyed blonde with a leather jacket and a tan standing on a corner in the depths of the city lights up a cigarette carefully with fingers like glass, waiting for lights to turn green. Junkies and cold hearts on the last train home. Urban living.

set myself on fire.

vaccine, 'fever'

--

How do I tell you all these things?

hands of silver, hands of gold

cut copy, 'pharaohs and pyramids'

--

Blinding lights and cold nights. The days are growing shorter and colder but I can't stop dancing.

chrome.

sonnet xi
pablo neruda

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

it's hard sometimes

high contrast, 'tutti frutti'

Some days I feel like I can do anything and they're the best.

dead weight.

autechre, 'r ess'

It's all moving too fast for me. I think I'm ill. Lovesick.

the bells, the bells.

four tet, 'there is love in you'

I am steadily trying to teach myself guitar. The days are long. It feels like summer. Open notebooks and wandering around the suburbs with the housemate, armed with cameras. Strange and interesting noises coming from Ableton. Remembering good times with a track from one of my favourite albums from 2010.